The two ‘T’s that followed my otherwise usual ‘S’aturday!!

 “I’ll miss my dance class.. But I never miss my dance class.” This was the first thing that came into my mind when I contemplated whether or not to go ahead with my much awaited dream.. Getting Inked.

At the start of d day I was really nervous. It could have been a usual Saturday but I had chosen otherwise. I was finally getting a tattoo today (T1) & the very thought of it scared me. I even thought will I run away or will I make it? I kept fiddling with that idea until a call from HR shifts ma focus from Tattoo to the Transfer. Yes, the much delayed/avoided transfer was finally here. The date was almost fixed. Next week I need to book my tickets & another 7 days I would be in another city trying to place myself in a whole new world. It was a mixed feeling. I knew I’ve to leave ma comfort zone but I also knew I would be learning something new. So, post call I was fiddling with 2^nd most jitter creating T for the day, Transfer,  until ofcourse....          

I reach the tattoo parlour.. it was filled with hush n buzz.. Saturday eve.. People are getting ready for the Saturday night party.. I was taken to the tattoo room. I met the tattoo artist (whom I had already met earlier). We discussed a bit to come to a consensus & and with the quick passing minutes he was all set to start his work. Butterflies in my stomach n voices in my head start playing rugby or kabbaddi or whatever who cares.. I thought I’ll play some music. I’ll plug in the ear buds so hard that nothing attracts my concentration more than the loud beats. But just when the needle started to sink in ma sensitive (in the words of the tattoo artist) skin, I felt ma friend holding my index finger with his. Magic.. it did not feel as scary as I had expected it to be. May be it pains less when u know there is some1 to take care.

I was unable to hear anything ma friend was telling me to keep my mind engaged. But I was glad he was there. He did nothing special. Just let me hold his hand while I was in pain & I realized when 1 is in need you don’t need to do anything more to comfort him/her.. just a pat, a hug, a shoulder to lean & a hand to hold is the world’s fastest recovery medicine to heal any pain in this world.. I mean it.. Anything.

So, we were done in some 30-40 mins (which was less scary than apprehended. Thx Varun for putting up through all this. U know the meaning of friendship n U’ve been 1.. thx againJ) Later I kept teasing him that now even if we aren’t in contact this tattoo will never let me forget him.

Another 1 hour & I reach home & show my parents the tattoo on my shoulder back (obviously u don’t tell your parents when u r onto some mischief.. adventure yeah..) Since the tattoo needs time to heal I had no option but to sport a tube top at home. My dad’s first reaction was no reaction at all.. with max enthusiasm he said, “so now that u r getting transferred to Mumbai u’ve planned to wear such tube tops on the roads there & flaunt your tattoo around.” Grrr!! My mom on the other hand had a more participating reaction. She asked me all sort of questions starting from design to expenses to who was there with me, etc etc. After a while (I guess two hours) when my dad got grounded after the initial shock (or maybe realized that its no point getting upset now as damage has no repair) he too showed interest in knowing all the details of this adventure trip.

So everything was all right (felt back in place to me) & I decide to watch Gilmore girls as I had nothing more interesting lined up for the usual S-aturday night. (Suddenly) much as a ritual my mom comes in & asks if I would like to have a glass of water as she was going off to sleep & BOOM!!! I suddenly realize m gonna miss this.. m gonna miss this care once m gone & tears rolled out of my eyes slowly.. mom’s ever nagging questions & dad’s ever protecting gestures.. & then I cry a little more.. Then I plan to & write this blog & now m gonna finish that last episode of Gilmore girls season 2 which I left in between for this writing & finally go off to sleep with the believe that everything will be all right & everything happens for good J

Good night room.. I’m so gonna miss u u have no idea!! 

Disease-To-Please

This was one of those initial words that I learnt as a child yet never brought it to much use for the fear of offending people. After conscious efforts that I finally see myself succeeding, I realize its 1 of the best adaptations I’ve made of late.

Saying ‘NO’ it is.. a word in my dictionary I never knew can bring solutions with a click of a fingure tip. With hindsight, I thought of jotting down its positives. Let me share it with you –

·         It helps me care less for what people would be thinking because people will anyways think the way they want to & more times than not it would depend on their mood. However much I may bother myself with other's reaction, the truth remains that no one dedicates time enough to bother; plus if they need you they will come back to you giving you the benefit of doubt despite your past behaviour.. human tendency. Thus it makes complete sense to care less about what people think & care more about what my heart whispers.

·         It helps me be less critical of myself. Generally I feel guilty about not doing things as per other’s convenience with the advent of that guilt, I end up doing things my heart doesn't approve of. Saying ‘no’ with conviction helps enhance my self esteem.

·         Saying yes every time lets people take me on autopilot mode & I clearly don’t want that. Volunteering should not go overboard. Between the struggle of my own desire & other’s demand I need to draw a line of healthy personal boundaries. [No one deserves to be taken for granted.]

·         When I say no to things that is offered to me I invite the possibility of attracting something better. I can either choose to say yes & allow myself to get into something inconvenient or I can say no & get this across to people that I’m not okay with the offer. At least I’m taking a chance; if I’m lucky enough I might stumble upon something which is better than the previous offer. [You should know when not to compromise with things when you deserve better, right?]

·         Whenever my friends ask for an opinion, I tend to say yes instead of no so that it doesn't hurt them. But I’ve realized it’s wrong advice after all. I can be naïve & polite & still say no, for it will actually guide them in the right direction & help them aspire do something more than a mere compliment. A simple example is when a friend asks, “What do you think of this?” I can say yes, it’s good or I can say no I think you should try something better. People often fail to realize the stress on the word ‘you’. If I’m asked MY opinion I should give them that. Whether to exercise it or not is their take.

·         If I say no to a person a number of times before saying yes they will value my yes a lot more than they would have initially. Also the fact that they are still asking the question in the hope of hearing yes helps me know that my yes is of some importance to them.

Everything said & done, the question of vital concern, is to have the wisdom to know when to use the word this side of the fence & when that side & that I believe is a personal call. As far as this write up is concerned I just wanted to give shape to those tiny little bouts of thought capsules running around in my head borne out of recent experiences I guess..

Have a great day ahead!! :)

PEHCHAAN KAUN

“Tumhi din chade, tumhi din dhale, Tumhi ho bandhu, sakha tumhi....”

If God nvr created smthing as beautiful n as supportive as u, I rilly cudnt hv imagined surviving it all thru.. frm d sunshine of d mrng 2d darkness of d nyt, frm d excitement of d parties 2d calmness of lone tym, frm d smoothness of d breeze 2d mist of d waves, ur touch has alwyz comforted me. U’ve been my best companion.. wen I wanted 2 express but was shy, wen I wanted 2 cry but was afraid, wen I wanted 2 celebrate but was alone n wen I wanted 2 scream but was helpless.. how u managed 2 rescue me every single tym wen I needed u d most, u’ve been thr 4 me.. always...

U've a magic. U understand my mood. U hear me. U guide me. If not fr u, I wud never have believed in d concept of telepathy. In gud tyms n bad, wen we connect I can feel ur magic working. I dun mind wen u hit me becoz wen u hit me it never pains. U’ve actually become my drug. I’m so addicted 2u. By d way, d smile u gave me.. m wearing it now n it luks perfect on me J

All d while I was trying too hard n u jus made it so easy.. I only had 2 follow u. U’ve a spcl way of simplifying things by taking up dat place in d brain whr problem rests. U jus kick it off. I simply luv u fr dat J D best part about u is dat u r so dependable. I noe I can count on u.. any moment, any circumstance. N seriously I dun find it silly at all 2 acknowledge d fact dat I’m foreva indebted 2u n I rilly wanna thank God 4 getting u into ma lyf n making it sail thru. Wid u I can anytym bounce n rule. Dear MUSIC u totally rock ma world :D :D

Thankees n Cheers!!

Take Control

Act b4 its too late.. its alwyz btr 2 do smthing n den regret doin it dan not doin smthng n regrettin not doing it den.. ‘kaash maine ye nahi  kiya hota’ is anyday more comforting dan ‘kaash maine ye kiya hota’ becoz d later always haunts of d unknown

Since I do not have too many regrets in lyf I think I still ’ve scope for lot many experiments 2b unveiled :D :D

One of the things that ppl often struggle is the judgement between ryt / wrong. Thrz such a thin lyn btw dem dat we often need to use the benefit of doubt in order to take a call. Afterall wen u get dat space (freedom of thot, speech & action) u can use ur perspective to defy let else control ur lyf. Just by doing this u wud have made it much easier for ur brains to deal wid 50% of d dellima of ur lyf :)

Some1 so rightly said, “dun judge ne1, u nvr know wat their journey have been all about”..  n wen I dun judge u, least I expect (courtesy sake)  frm u is get ur own lyf sorted 1^st b4 entering ma domain. Ur boundaries r for u plus do I look lyk I care :P?? I’m responsible fr ma happiness n not accountable 4d injuries u do 2 urself..  no, I’m not guilty

Its nyt, its peaceful n in d silence of d lambs I contemplate ma actions but wen d sun is up tomorrow I know I can go straight 2d mirror wid ma head held high n no sigh of disrespect for myself..  dats all I want frm every sunrise of my lyf till d day I’m alive.

Ppl say live lyf king size I say LEAD lyf king size.. take control, Take Control, TAKE CONTROL J J

An Emotionally Drenched Day

M I a very emotional person??  Waise a frnd told me being emotional helps writing lyk ntg else.. so gud fr me.. n here I go... again!!

“Wat happened 2 all d fundas I keep distributing among ppl?? Is it all only 2 make me save myself frm this emotional burden?? Do I fear it so mch dat I need 2 hide my real emotions behind ‘I’m d strong person’ image....” If its so, I jus wish 1 day I succeed being d ideal me.. “d strong person” I visualize myself as. D process of it is enchanting though..

D tym wen u wish smthing sarcastically n soon find out dat God has approved of it so fast.. u wonder if God is a drunkard... for he only gets serious wen we r kidding n takes us lightly weneva we r serious??

It has hardly been half a day since I asked God 2 bless me wid interesting stories getting added 2 my lyf’s story so that I can learn from n share dem for d good.. n he literally drenches me wid emotional judgements..

Incident 1: ‘Satyamev jayate’ episode in d mrng chose d topic of scarcity of usable water in the country n how to restore it. Me being nvr having an opportunity to bear d adverse consequences in such regard, have been ignorant of its dangerous side. This episode served as AN EYE OPENER FOR BEING A SOCIALLY RESPONSIBLE CITIZEN.

Incident 2:  At eve I was watching ‘gumrah’ on channel [V] where it showed how a homosexual teenager guy committed suicide wen his best  frnd uploaded a video of his. It again got me thinkin (rather jerked ma emotions) how a frnd (best frnd in this case) can be so mean.. just for fun wud u cease 2 care for sm1’s emotions, sm1 who trusts u, who calls u his best frnd?? This world is mean indeed.. tym n again, proved n sealed.  At any point U NEED 2B CAUTIOUS ENUF 2 SAVE UR OWN ASS.

Incident 3: An acquaintance called.. she wasn’t in gud state. A frnd of m9 had ditched her. She told me her story n I believe every word of it bcoz I know dat guy (I feel ashamed 2 call him my frnd anymore) n he can do it for he has shown such shades of his character in past as well. I felt bad n I felt relieved n I felt annoyed.. bad becoz she’d been a victim.. relieved becoz I had saved myself frm being a victim at some point n most importantly annoyed becoz I had 2 question my choice of frndshp n I agree dat it was a poor choice.. a person who cant be human 1^st isn’t worth a relationship.. be it son, husband or frnd.  I had come 2 believe dat ppl change wid tym.. true, ppl change not their character.. n this encounter ended ma ambiguity on the subject forevr.. PPL MAY CHANGE, NVR THEIR CHARACTER..

So, in toto, it was a thought provoking day (if I wanna be optimistic about it) n I had smartly used it for writing :D (d understatement is YES M EMOTIONAL)

The 'once upon a tym story' dat wasnt suppose 2 affect

Every1 has dat 'once upon a tym' story.. I too have few.. d funda is 2 talk abt it wen u r sure its mention can only bring u smiles of stupidity n not otherwise.. (until den dun talk, work on levelling d roads 2a peaceful self)

U meet sm1 new, u talk 2 dem once.. u talk 2 dem twice, u discover d wavelength matchin n u sense a scope of frndshp.. rule 1 of frndshp.. for dat  matter any relationship.. be transparent.. just be wat u r.. let d person accept u dat way.. n since dese rules r Ankita invented rules obviously who else gonna follow dem close.. (lol).. so here I start “being myself”.. sharing my small, big, silly, not so silly, old, new, applied, implied, explicit, implicit stories.. (dats how u discover about ppl, ryt)

Jus lyk rest of d stories dis too was supposed to start wid line no. 1 n end in line no. 10.. inviting a comment in lyn no. 11 wch was expected be a smiley or a lol or few words said in good faith.. n den u jump 2d next topic wch paves way for sharing other such interesting stories.. but dat did not happen dis tym (as per my sweet intuition)

I started d story wid lyn no. 1 n I ended d story in lyn no. 10 but d comment in lyn no. 11 wasn’t a smiley or a lol.. it was “I feel sorry fr u”.. n dose 5 words said in gud faith fall upon as 100 pound rock on ma image.. breaking it into minuscule pieces of self destruction... (shit! Shit!! wat d hell did I do.. I was supposed 2 enhance d facets of ma personality by sharing dese stories n here I jus ruined it bad.. painted it “pity me” in blocks)..

No onus on d listener.. I must have sounded it lyk 1.. ppl see wat u make dem see (vry few r dat wise except if dey are ur close 1s) n I must have portrayed it lyk dat 2 invite such a comment... gathering d ruins of ma shattered image I try to jump 2 another topic but at d back of ma head beats d doldrums of a bad idea..

But since any bad idea equals new lesson in ma dictionary I had 2 do a post-mortem of d situation later on.. ( a part of wch resulted in the birth of this blog post J).  So, digging it deep, my intellect points out dat d crux of d problem isnt d way I said d story dat resulted in d conclusion (“ I feel srry fr u”) its WHY I chose 2 say d story d way I said it... if I can drill down d answer to this WHY I can solve dis maze.. n it wasn’t a vry tough 1.. why I chose 2 say it dat way is becoz I’m still not ready to talk about it (wen u r not ready, u’ll nvr know HOW to).. not able to handle it on ma plate.. its still hot.. unsettled.. some strings of dis story are still wrongly attached to ma heart.. I CAN NVR PLAY (WID) IT MELODIOUSLY UNLESS DESE WRONG STRINGS R FIXED ..

So, 1^st BE READY... U MAY NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH TYM IT MAY TAKE.. BT TAKE UR TYM.. no1 will know about it anyway.. but wen u chose 2 make dem know, let dem know it as an additional dimension 2 ur personality wch u CONQUERED well n not as something wch attracts pity.. WEN U R READY U’LL KNOW ‘HOW’ N VISE-VERSA.. (I’ve learnt, dese fundas r also vry situation centric.. sm1 said “jump off n u’ll discover how 2 fly” but in this case u need 2  discover b4 u jump).. n thus my tym re-starts rather stretches.. to make peace wid dis story..

Aside, 2d potential frnd, ofcoz it’s lil 2 do wid wat u thot of me den but it’s more 2 do wid WHY I’ve been affected at all.. n d same inquisitiveness led 2d seed of this introspection J

Lastly, as I always say.. all stories r meant 2 help sm1 smwhr who myt jus need dis 1 pull to bring him/her back from d edge.. hope ma story 2 finds such resorts J

Tk Cr, Stay Blessed!!

Is dis luv?

Luv isnt ROMEO-JULIET.. dying together....... Its GRANDMA-GRANDPA.. Ageing together… dats how I view it as..

Surely not an event but a process.. an extended celebration & not jus 3 words which will turn ur world around for the moment.. but a process of growing together despite all the disagreements which may turn ur head around out of anger n frustration but at the end of it U feel hanging around is more fun!

Once an acquaintance of mine (then a student pursuing Mphil in philosophy) shared this very interesting thing with me.. “ these days ppl aren’t actually in luv, dey jus like  THE CONCEPT OF BEING IN LUV”. Another frnd once said, “aaj kal sab CONVENIENCE LUV hai”..

Actually true.. but u noe wat makes me wonder……. D fact that ppl have such weird, enlarged, king-sized image of L-O-V-E n L-O-V-E_M-A-R-R-I-A-G-E.. He should ideally get married now & his family chooses a girl for him.. the next thing he does is goes n proposes 3 girls 1 after another.. y.. becoz HE WANTS A LUV MRRG… PHEW (pl dun curse me for sharing it incase u r reading.. but I din mention ur name, so smile :D) She has all d reasons 2 get married to dis guy becoz hez ….. many more but most importantly SENSITIVE TOWARDS HER COMFORT ZONE.. but she is waiting for some prince charming to come on a horse.. I say, guys, wat big jazz about dis movie lyk luv story?? U ONLY need to change the way u interpret luv.. Its all in ur mind as dey say it ;)

U may not get all dat u desire but u’ll alwyz get all dat u deserve.. so, if u feel its ‘A Lot Lyk Luv’.. DUN RUIN IT.. play d song ‘wanna grow old wid u’ & dun hesitate 2 ask ‘Shall We Dance’.. J J J

Aaj Phir

AwakenSelf

Aaj phir dil pe dastak de raha hai koi anjana sa khwab..

Aaj phir pankh lag gaye sa lagta hai..

Aaj phir muskarane ki wajah zaroori nahi lagti.. Aaj phir bewajah jhoomne ka mann karta hai..

Aaj phir tairna hai sahil ki parwah kiye bina..

Aaj phir khud pe guroor sa sajta hai..

Aaj phir jee lene do.. 

Aaj phir SIRF SAANS LENA

KAM LAGTA HAI!!!