An Emotionally Drenched Day

M I a very emotional person??  Waise a frnd told me being emotional helps writing lyk ntg else.. so gud fr me.. n here I go... again!!

“Wat happened 2 all d fundas I keep distributing among ppl?? Is it all only 2 make me save myself frm this emotional burden?? Do I fear it so mch dat I need 2 hide my real emotions behind ‘I’m d strong person’ image....” If its so, I jus wish 1 day I succeed being d ideal me.. “d strong person” I visualize myself as. D process of it is enchanting though..

D tym wen u wish smthing sarcastically n soon find out dat God has approved of it so fast.. u wonder if God is a drunkard... for he only gets serious wen we r kidding n takes us lightly weneva we r serious??

It has hardly been half a day since I asked God 2 bless me wid interesting stories getting added 2 my lyf’s story so that I can learn from n share dem for d good.. n he literally drenches me wid emotional judgements..

Incident 1: ‘Satyamev jayate’ episode in d mrng chose d topic of scarcity of usable water in the country n how to restore it. Me being nvr having an opportunity to bear d adverse consequences in such regard, have been ignorant of its dangerous side. This episode served as AN EYE OPENER FOR BEING A SOCIALLY RESPONSIBLE CITIZEN.

Incident 2:  At eve I was watching ‘gumrah’ on channel [V] where it showed how a homosexual teenager guy committed suicide wen his best  frnd uploaded a video of his. It again got me thinkin (rather jerked ma emotions) how a frnd (best frnd in this case) can be so mean.. just for fun wud u cease 2 care for sm1’s emotions, sm1 who trusts u, who calls u his best frnd?? This world is mean indeed.. tym n again, proved n sealed.  At any point U NEED 2B CAUTIOUS ENUF 2 SAVE UR OWN ASS.

Incident 3: An acquaintance called.. she wasn’t in gud state. A frnd of m9 had ditched her. She told me her story n I believe every word of it bcoz I know dat guy (I feel ashamed 2 call him my frnd anymore) n he can do it for he has shown such shades of his character in past as well. I felt bad n I felt relieved n I felt annoyed.. bad becoz she’d been a victim.. relieved becoz I had saved myself frm being a victim at some point n most importantly annoyed becoz I had 2 question my choice of frndshp n I agree dat it was a poor choice.. a person who cant be human 1^st isn’t worth a relationship.. be it son, husband or frnd.  I had come 2 believe dat ppl change wid tym.. true, ppl change not their character.. n this encounter ended ma ambiguity on the subject forevr.. PPL MAY CHANGE, NVR THEIR CHARACTER..

So, in toto, it was a thought provoking day (if I wanna be optimistic about it) n I had smartly used it for writing :D (d understatement is YES M EMOTIONAL)

The 'once upon a tym story' dat wasnt suppose 2 affect

Every1 has dat 'once upon a tym' story.. I too have few.. d funda is 2 talk abt it wen u r sure its mention can only bring u smiles of stupidity n not otherwise.. (until den dun talk, work on levelling d roads 2a peaceful self)

U meet sm1 new, u talk 2 dem once.. u talk 2 dem twice, u discover d wavelength matchin n u sense a scope of frndshp.. rule 1 of frndshp.. for dat  matter any relationship.. be transparent.. just be wat u r.. let d person accept u dat way.. n since dese rules r Ankita invented rules obviously who else gonna follow dem close.. (lol).. so here I start “being myself”.. sharing my small, big, silly, not so silly, old, new, applied, implied, explicit, implicit stories.. (dats how u discover about ppl, ryt)

Jus lyk rest of d stories dis too was supposed to start wid line no. 1 n end in line no. 10.. inviting a comment in lyn no. 11 wch was expected be a smiley or a lol or few words said in good faith.. n den u jump 2d next topic wch paves way for sharing other such interesting stories.. but dat did not happen dis tym (as per my sweet intuition)

I started d story wid lyn no. 1 n I ended d story in lyn no. 10 but d comment in lyn no. 11 wasn’t a smiley or a lol.. it was “I feel sorry fr u”.. n dose 5 words said in gud faith fall upon as 100 pound rock on ma image.. breaking it into minuscule pieces of self destruction... (shit! Shit!! wat d hell did I do.. I was supposed 2 enhance d facets of ma personality by sharing dese stories n here I jus ruined it bad.. painted it “pity me” in blocks)..

No onus on d listener.. I must have sounded it lyk 1.. ppl see wat u make dem see (vry few r dat wise except if dey are ur close 1s) n I must have portrayed it lyk dat 2 invite such a comment... gathering d ruins of ma shattered image I try to jump 2 another topic but at d back of ma head beats d doldrums of a bad idea..

But since any bad idea equals new lesson in ma dictionary I had 2 do a post-mortem of d situation later on.. ( a part of wch resulted in the birth of this blog post J).  So, digging it deep, my intellect points out dat d crux of d problem isnt d way I said d story dat resulted in d conclusion (“ I feel srry fr u”) its WHY I chose 2 say d story d way I said it... if I can drill down d answer to this WHY I can solve dis maze.. n it wasn’t a vry tough 1.. why I chose 2 say it dat way is becoz I’m still not ready to talk about it (wen u r not ready, u’ll nvr know HOW to).. not able to handle it on ma plate.. its still hot.. unsettled.. some strings of dis story are still wrongly attached to ma heart.. I CAN NVR PLAY (WID) IT MELODIOUSLY UNLESS DESE WRONG STRINGS R FIXED ..

So, 1^st BE READY... U MAY NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH TYM IT MAY TAKE.. BT TAKE UR TYM.. no1 will know about it anyway.. but wen u chose 2 make dem know, let dem know it as an additional dimension 2 ur personality wch u CONQUERED well n not as something wch attracts pity.. WEN U R READY U’LL KNOW ‘HOW’ N VISE-VERSA.. (I’ve learnt, dese fundas r also vry situation centric.. sm1 said “jump off n u’ll discover how 2 fly” but in this case u need 2  discover b4 u jump).. n thus my tym re-starts rather stretches.. to make peace wid dis story..

Aside, 2d potential frnd, ofcoz it’s lil 2 do wid wat u thot of me den but it’s more 2 do wid WHY I’ve been affected at all.. n d same inquisitiveness led 2d seed of this introspection J

Lastly, as I always say.. all stories r meant 2 help sm1 smwhr who myt jus need dis 1 pull to bring him/her back from d edge.. hope ma story 2 finds such resorts J

Tk Cr, Stay Blessed!!